I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
