My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
