But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
