Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
