Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize