Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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