apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
