break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
