I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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