i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
