Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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