the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
