I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
