So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
