You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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