im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
