Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Vodka?
Forever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
