Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
