she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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