But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
