I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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