doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
