i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
