You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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