In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
