I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
