i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
