4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
