$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize