I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
