Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
