Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
