I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
