But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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