This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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