you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The ass gains better be worth it
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