So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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