what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
