Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
