I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
