found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
