so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
