when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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