we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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