If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
