Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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