So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
