Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
