2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
