well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
