She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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