we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
