The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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