Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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