yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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