dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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