Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
