Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
