I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.