Your tits are I can't wait for
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week