my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.