Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"