Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.