3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.