wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.