sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
