ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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