I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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