When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
