I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
