Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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