i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
