do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
