it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
50% drunk capacity currently
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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