i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
