she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
