He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
