So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
