i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We just shotgunned beers for America
Houston, we have a squirter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
