haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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