All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
