Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
