A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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