This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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