Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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