Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
