if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
